By Rosemary Chng
I know that many are opposed or even repulsed by the idea of homosexual relationships, how much more worse gay marriages. But I feel strongly enough about this subject to want to share with my friends my own personal feelings and experiences here.
To me, meaningful relationships and having a strong marriage is all about acceptance, love and commitment.
And who says that gay couples cannot spend a lifetime being faithful to each other?
Let me share with you some true personal encounters that transformed my thinking completely over the years…
Eleven years ago when Singapore was gripped in the heart of SARS, I knew an elderly person who was denied access into the ICU while his partner of decades lay dying simply because he could not produce any paper to show their kinship or ‘official’ family ties. Despite all his efforts he could not get past the red tape and his partner later died alone in the ICU not due to SARS but dengue, which unfortunately exhibits similar symptoms.
The surviving partner was inconsolably devastated and how tragic was that and all because they were not married at that time despite having spent a lifetime together. I shared his pain and cried with him.
Another good friend who lives abroad lost his partner a few years ago when he was murdered by a deranged patient. He and his partner had set up home and this was actually like the second ‘marriage’ for the partner who had previously been in a heterosexual relationship and had a couple of kids from that union.
My friend went on to continue to look after his partner’s children, got them married off and even became a grandfather. Proving that gay couples do raise perfectly heterosexual kids in loving and accepting homes.
This year I celebrate 17 wonderful years with a loving husband and raising our family of 3 boys. A number of our dearest friends who are gay also celebrate equally long anniversaries with the partner they love and have committed to a faithful and monogamous relationship all these years. Their couple bonds are as strong if not stronger than ours I might say, simply because they don’t even have a piece of official ‘marriage’ certificate to force them together.
So who says that gay people are all promiscuous sinners who cannot commit to monogamous relationship?
But I think that one must also not equate marriage with sex alone.
I also believe it is important to give one’s partner legal status in one’s life. So that tragic cases like my friend’s whose partner died alone does not happen again, and not forgetting all the legal issues of having to manage our loved one’s estate matters without legal rights.
Finally I like to close by declaring that I am a believer of Christ and I hope my gay friends and the LGBT community do not judge my faith by the the vocal few who expresses opposite views. My God is a god of love and acceptance and I just want you all to know that. Love you all and you know who you are!