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Even Cupid has to adapt

Tan Kin Lian offers some alternatives in building relationships.

Published

16 years ago

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CONGRATULATIONS! Everyone here at The Online Citizen would like to congratulate Gerald and Elena Giam on the birth of their beautiful baby girl.

Tan Kin Lian / Columnist

Alice’s boyfriend ended their relationship after three years. Alice was devastated. This was the second time that it has happened to her. She now has the difficult task of looking for a new relationship. Before she does that, however, she first has to overcome her latest disappointment, which may take some time.

Bobby worked hard on his career. He is already in his late twenties and does not have a steady girl friend. The local girls that he was attracted to were no longer available – they preferred “foreign talents” as they earned more and are more cultured, sociable and graceful.

There are many people like Alice and Bobby in Singapore. I like to suggest some “out-of-the-box” solutions to this long-time challenge.

Diversify your friends

A few years ago, I gave a talk about courtship. I made this suggestion to young people, “Have three steady friends. Do not have only one steady friend. It is too risky. You are likely to make the wrong choice”. This is what has happened to Alice.

Here are the advantages of having three steady friends at the same time.

– It is easier to start a steady relationship. Each party knows that they are not taking the full risk of a tied relationship right at the start.

– Both parties have the chance of learning of each other’s strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes in an open atmosphere, without any pre-commitment.

– It is easier to drop a steady relationship and still remain good friends, without feeling personal.

A few people told me that they did not like this suggestion. Already, it is quite difficult to manage a single steady relationship. It will be impossible to handle three steady friends at the same time.

These people are not aware of the concept of paradigm shift. They apply the same thinking to a new environment.

Under my concept of “three steady relationship”, it is not required to give the same degree of attention to a “single steady friend”.

One colleague liked the idea. I helped him find one steady friend, on the understanding that it is only “one of three”. They got married after two years and have a child now. I think they did not proceed to look for another “two steady friends”. But the concept did help them to start a relationship, which worked for them.

Stage two

After starting with three steady friends, it will be necessary to move to “stage two” within a year. During this stage, you and your steady friend agree to spend more time with each other and to reduce the involvement with the other steady friends, without cutting them off. Both parties may need to fall back to “stage one” in case the new relationship does not work.

The chance of success in “stage two” is much higher, as both parties make this conscious choice after they have gotten to know each other better during the previous months.

It’s nothing new

Some people said that my concept is nothing new. In fact, many people have adopted this method, in various forms, and it has been proven successful.

I agree. I do not wish to claim credit in inventing this idea. My purpose is to observe what works well and to educate people to give it a try. If it works for you, try it. If not, you can still find another way.

Getting a date

During my younger days, I had a difficult time in getting a date. When I approach an attractive girl, she is usually not available. It is likely that she is already attached, or does not like a humble person of modest background. Or perhaps my approach was wrong.

My first successful date came with the help of an older person – the sales manager in my company. He invited me to a dinner with a client. I agreed to go and asked him to find me a date. I was attracted to a girl in the design department. I asked him to invite her to be my date. The girl accepted the request of the sales manager. Maybe, she did not want to turn him down.

I had an enjoyable time. I remember it to this day.

Match-making

If you like a particular person, it is helpful to get an independent person to help you to make a match.

This independent person can be a parent or an older relative. Having gone through the experiences of life, they are more likely to know what to look for. A marriage is more than going on a date or party. You can rely on your parents or relatives to look after your best interest. If they cannot do it well, they can engage the help of a more experienced person – yes, the match-maker.

You may not realise it, but match-making is being applied in many business activities, e.g. to find the best person to fit a job or to rent out a property.

The prospective employer needs an experienced person, known as the “executive recruiter” or “head hunter”, to find the right person to fit the job. The recruiter has to search from many available candidates. The search has to be done in both ways – the candidate must fit the job and the job must interest the candidate.

The owner of a property needs a property agent to rent out the property to a prospective tenant.

Finding a right lifetime partner is more difficult. All the more, it is important to get professional or experienced help. It is all right to get help from the modern Cupid (i.e. match-maker) and still retain the right of making the final decision.

Cupid does not need to search the whole world for you. You can give the names of potential candidates for Cupid to narrow down the search. Maybe, Cupid can give you three steady friends to start with.

Conclusion

Someone said, “If you keep doing things the same way, how can you expect to get a different outcome?”

For people who have trouble finding a right lifetime partner, it is time to try a different approach. I suggest the ‘three steady friends” and to get the assistance of the modern Cupid (i.e. match maker).

www.tankinlian.blogspot.com

———-

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Indonesia

Miss Universe cuts ties with Indonesia chapter after harassment allegations

The Miss Universe Organization severs ties with Indonesia franchise due to harassment claims. Malaysia edition canceled.

Women allege body checks before pageant. Investigation launched. Safety prioritized.

Indonesia winner to compete in November finale. Height requirement controversy.

Published

1 year ago

on

14 August 2023

By

WASHINGTON, UNITED STATES — The Miss Universe Organization has cut ties with its Indonesia franchise, it announced days after allegations of sexual harassment, and will cancel an upcoming Malaysia edition.

In the complaint, more than a half dozen women said all 30 finalists for Miss Universe Indonesia were unexpectedly asked to strip for a supposed body check for scars and cellulite two days before the pageant’s crowning ceremony in Jakarta.

Their lawyer said Tuesday that five of the women had their pictures taken.

“In light of what we have learned took place at Miss Universe Indonesia, it has become clear that this franchise has not lived up to our brand standards, ethics, or expectations,” the US-based Miss Universe Organization posted Saturday night on social media site X, formerly known as Twitter.

It said that it had “decided to terminate the relationship with its current franchise in Indonesia, PT Capella Swastika Karya, and its National Director, Poppy Capella.”

It thanked the contestants for their bravery in coming forward and added that “providing a safe place for women” was the organization’s priority.

Jakarta police spokesman Trunoyudo Wisnu Andiko said Tuesday that an investigation into the women’s complaint has been launched.

The Indonesia franchise also holds the license for Miss Universe Malaysia, where there will no longer be a competition this year, according to the New York-based parent organizer.

In a lengthy statement posted to Instagram, Indonesia franchise director Capella denied involvement in any body checks.

“I, as the National Director and as the owner of the Miss Universe Indonesia license, was not involved at all and have never known, ordered, requested or allowed anyone who played a role and participated in the process of organizing Miss Universe Indonesia 2023 to commit violence or sexual harassment through body checking,” she wrote.

She added that she is against “any form of violence or sexual harassment.”

The Jakarta competition was held from 29 July to 3 August to choose Indonesia’s representative to the 2023 Miss Universe contest, and was won by Fabienne Nicole Groeneveld.

Miss Universe said it would make arrangements for her to compete in the finale, scheduled for November in El Salvador.

This year’s Indonesia pageant also came under fire for announcing a “significant change in this (year’s) competition guidelines” with the elimination of its minimum height requirement after it had crowned a winner.

In its statement, the Miss Universe Organization said it wanted to “make it extremely clear that there are no measurements such as height, weight, or body dimensions required to join a Miss Universe pageant worldwide.”

— AFP

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Malaysia

A Perodua service centre in Kuantan, Malaysia went viral for its strict dress code, Perodua responds

A dress code for vehicle servicing? A Malaysian car brand’s service centre dress code signage has puzzled netizens, raising queries about the need for attire rules during a routine service.

The manufacturer responded with an official statement after a flurry of comments, seeking to clarify and apologize.

Published

1 year ago

on

10 August 2023

By

MALAYSIA: A dress code signage positioned at a service centre belonging to a prominent Malaysian car brand has sparked bewilderment among Malaysian netizens, who question the necessity of adhering to attire guidelines for a simple vehicle servicing.

The signage explicitly delineates clothing items that are deemed unsuitable, including sleeveless tops, short skirts, abbreviated pants, and distressed jeans.

The car manufacturer swiftly found itself flooded with comments from both inquisitive and irked Malaysian netizens. This surge in online activity prompted the company to issue an official statement aimed at clarifying the situation and extending an apology.

In a post that gained significant traction on the social media platform, politician Quek Tai Seong of Pahang State, Malaysia, shared an image to Facebook on Monday (7 Aug).

The image showcased a dress code sign prominently displayed at a Perodua Service Centre in Kuantan. Within the post, Quek posed the question: “Is this dress code applicable nationwide, or is it specific to this branch?”

The signage reads, “All customers dealing with Perodua Service Kuantan 1, Semambu, are requested to dress modestly and appropriately.”

Adding visual clarity to these guidelines, the sign features illustrative graphics that explicitly outline clothing items deemed unacceptable, including sleeveless tops, short skirts, short pants, and ripped jeans.

Delineating the specifics of the dress code, the signage stipulates that male visitors are expected to don shirts accompanied by neckties, opt for long pants, and wear closed shoes.

Conversely, female visitors are advised to don long-sleeved shirts, full-length skirts, and closed-toe footwear.

Perodua’s dress code sparks online uproar

Following the rapid spread of the post, Perodua’s official Facebook page found itself inundated with comments from both intrigued and frustrated Malaysian netizens, all seeking clarifications about the newly surfaced dress code policy.

Amidst the flurry of comments, numerous incensed netizens posed pointed questions such as, “What is the rationale behind the introduction of such regulations by the management? We demand an explanation.”

Another netizen expressed their dissatisfaction, arguing against the necessity of the rule and urging Perodua to take inspiration from the practices of other 4S (Sales, Service, Spare Parts, and Survey) automotive dealerships.

A concerned Facebook user chimed in, advocating for a more lenient stance, asserting that attempting to dictate customers’ clothing choices might not be in the company’s best interest.

Someone also commented in an angry tone, “Oi what is this? Going there for car service, not interview or working, right.”

As the discourse unfolded, it became evident that while some inquiries carried genuine weight, others chose to inject humor into the situation, playfully remarking, “If I wanted to buy a Myvi, I should buy or rent a formal attire first.”

“I sell economy rice at a hawker centre, I have never worn a long sleeve shirt and a tie… I guess I will not buy a Perodua car then.”

“I guess they will not serve those who wear short pants.”

Perodua addresses dress code controversy

As reported by Chinese media outlet Sin Chew Daily News, the manager of Kuantan’s Perodua Service Centre had acknowledged that the images on the dress code signage were misleading.

In response, the manager divulged that discussions had transpired with the head office, leading to the prompt removal of the signage to prevent any further misconceptions.

The manager clarifies, “We do encourage visitors to adhere to the dress etiquette, but we won’t go to the extent of restricting their choice of attire.”

He also revealed that currently, no complaints have been directly received from the public.

However, feedback from certain customers was relayed through Perodua’s agents.

Perodua also released an official statement by chief operating officer JK Rozman Jaffar on Wednesday (9 Aug) regarding the dress code on their official Facebook page.

The statement stated the dress code etiquette is not aligned with their official guidelines and they are currently conducting an official investigation on the matter followed by corrective measures to avoid the same incident from happening.

Perodua also extends its apologies for any inconvenience caused.

 

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