A letter from your Leaders
In a few hours from now, a Caucasian bottom that once graced the lush meadows of the Swiss Alps will be given the pounding of its life in the hallowed grounds of New Auschwitz...oops sorry, Changi prison. This is a moment of great pride for Singapore, a mark that we are finally standing up to the world. Other nations that punish people in a similar way, and with whom we share similar political ideologies, such as our dear brothers in North Korea, Iran, Zimbabwe and Cuba, have extended their sincere congratulations on our great achievement.
Yes we cane.
With regard to this Swiss individual’s extremely serious crime, we are glad to inform you that SMRT has concluded its detailed investigations into the matter. Using state of the art technology, it has found that Mr Fricker used a highly potent chemical, known as alcohol, to gain stealth powers while trespassing into the depot. He and his colleague utilized a highly advanced programme known as the “Internet” for communications. A high-powered reconnaissance program that we believe goes by the name of “Google earth” was used to obtain detailed maps of the area. The army, which was previously unaware of the presence of such a program, will now begin to use this “Google earth” to plan upcoming military operations.
Security will have to be drastically revamped. In view of this, passenger fares on all SMRT lines will be raised by 30%. In so doing, we hope to be able to raise the pay of the SMRT CEO from the current paltry 1.7mil pa to 2.3mil. It is hoped that the additional revenue will enable her to formulate new plans to counter the threat of this “Google earth”.
Vandalism is a huge threat to the future security of this country. Many years ago, in a corner of Europe, there was a large and beautiful wall that was built to keep the people safe, much like we, in your caring government, try to keep you safe. But thanks to lax government laws, this wall was heavily vandalised. And then, in 1989, the unthinkable happened. The people tore down the wall and as such, damaged public property. Last year, we brought a piece of this once beautiful wall to Singapore, so that the public may witness, first hand, the devastating effects of vandalism. If we remember correctly, the name of this wall was the “Berlin Wall”.
If only it had stood. What a crying shame.
By Hansel K
Cartoons courtesy of My Sketchbook
Part of the beautiful wall from Berlin now at Bedok Reservoir - graffiti and all.
Minister for Foreign Affairs officiating at the opening of the display (read his speech here).