PAP introduces 5-year old candidate!

Meena Curren

In a bewildering development, the PAP included in its final introduction of new PAP candidates, a 5-year old toddler from PCF Moulmein Childcare Centre who also resides nearby in a 4-four room HDB flat with his parents and two older siblings. MP Dr. Yaacob Ibrahim carried little Jimmy Loh Kat Teck, proudly placed him on his knee and announced Jimmy would be part of his team fielded in Moulmein-Kallang GRC.

Jimmy had just been plucked from his afternoon nap and was visibly cranky. Drool and food stains were wiped off his chin while an aide quickly changed his blue PCF T-shirt for the PAP whites. Jimmy soon warmed up as fellow GRC member Denise Phua tickled him under his chin, handed him a Lollipop and announced, “He’ll win us many votes this little Cutie”.

Analysts see the move in fielding ever younger candidates as a master stroke in party renewal. “Right now, 27-year old Tan Pei Ling looks positively ancient and past her political prime compared to little Jimmy”, commented one observer. Others pointed out this strategy also solves the problem of attracting talent from the private sector. In a reverse strategy, Jimmy can serves his 2 terms and just be old enough to retire from politics, serve NS, find a girlfriend, finish University and enter the private sector as he pleases.

In answering questions about Jimmy’s selection, Dr. Yaacob revealed he was shortlisted after a nationwide seach across all PCF Kindergartens. “Jimmy has an IQ of 165, displays tough love on fellow toddlers in his childcare centre and is toilet trained”, claimed Dr. Yaacob. When asked to elaborate on these criteria, Dr. Yaakob offered this, “A high IQ is a must and is valued over EQ which we don’t really understand ourselves anyway. When fellow toddlers fall down and begin crying, Jimmy won’t ‘sayang’ them but will lecture them on being more careful. Jimmy hasn’t worn a diaper in 6 months and this is important because Meet-the-People sessions can go on for hours and it would be quite unpleasant for everyone if a ripe diaper stinks up the room while people come crying about their hardships”.

To show their confidence in this infant Candidate, Jimmy was allowed to answer questions from the Press and this much was gleaned, Jimmy’s favourite colour is Blue, he likes Transformers but the movie scared him. He prefers Dumex to Horlicks and he hates Speech & Drama classes he’s forced to attend on Sunday mornings.

The Press Conference was hastily concluded when Jimmy burst into tears for no apparent reason.

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Meena Curren also blogs here: http://meenacurren.wordpress.com/

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