Netizens challenge MSF guidelines on caregiving boundaries, highlight practicality and parenting complexities

The Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) has introduced new guidelines to help parents establish healthy boundaries with their children in areas like affection, privacy, and toileting, with the goal of supporting professionals in early childhood, education, and healthcare sectors.

However, netizens had mixed reactions to the new MSF guidelines, with some expressing concern about the need for such guidelines, while others highlighted the complexities of parenting in diverse family contexts.

Announced by Minister of State for Social and Family Development Sun Xueling at the Asian Family Conference on 7 November 2024, the guidelines are designed to provide clear recommendations for appropriate caregiving practices, promoting healthy family dynamics and preventing potential abuse.

The guidelines address several key aspects of family interactions, including the importance of respecting a child’s autonomy.

Guidelines on Affection, Bathing, and Nudity Practices in Parenting

For instance, parents should not force their child to show affection to someone they are uncomfortable with, and bathing practices should be adjusted when children are capable of bathing independently.

Furthermore, it is considered inappropriate for parents to expose their children to nudity, including changing clothes in front of them once they reach a certain age.

Specifically, the guidelines recommend that parents should not bathe a child of the opposite gender or shower with them if the child can bathe independently.

If assistance is required, MSF suggests that a parent of the same gender should provide help until the child’s early primary school years.

Parents are encouraged to teach their children to shower independently as soon as possible.

In line with this, parents are discouraged from exposing their naked bodies to their children, even if this is done unintentionally.

MSF further specifies that by the time a child reaches upper primary school or enters puberty, parents and caregivers of the opposite gender should refrain from changing in front of them.

Response to Increasing Child Abuse Cases

The introduction of these guidelines comes in response to the rising number of child abuse cases in Singapore.

According to MSF’s Domestic Violence Trends report from September, the number of Tier 1 child abuse cases rose by 17% from 2021 to 2023.

Experts, including Ms Yogeswari Munisamy, senior social worker at MSF’s Child Protective Service, have highlighted the risk that inappropriate boundaries can escalate into abusive behaviour, leaving children vulnerable to harm.

The guidelines are intended to provide professionals with practical tools for engaging parents in discussions about safe and healthy family practices.

They are designed to be flexible, allowing them to be tailored to each family’s unique circumstances, such as the child’s age and developmental needs.

Mixed Reactions to MSF’s Guidelines

Observing the comments on The Straits Times and Mothership’s Facebook posts, a mixed reaction can be seen.

While some acknowledged the ministry’s effort to protect vulnerable individuals, they questioned the practicality of such guidelines and the complexities of enforcement.

Additionally, concerns were raised about potential conflicts between traditional family practices and the new guidelines.

One netizen pointed out issue of toxic family dynamics, where parents may prioritize the feelings of others over their children’s well-being.

She share a personal experience in which a relative’s unwanted physical affection towards their toddler became a problem.

The netizen’s mother, instead of considering the child’s discomfort, focused on teaching the child “manners” to avoid offending relatives.

Balancing Parental Guidance and Respecting Children’s Boundaries

A comment highlighted the complexities of parenting and the grey areas in applying guidelines about affection, particularly when grandparents wish to show love.

The Facebook user emphasised the need for balance, where children are encouraged to step out of their comfort zones without being forced.

The netizen also pointed out that parenting is not easy, and each family and child is different, making it challenging to apply a one-size-fits-all approach.

A netizen argued that such guidelines were necessary due to the increasing number of unfortunate incidents involving children, particularly in terms of abuse or exploitation.

She stressed that children are especially vulnerable, and even actions that may not be intended to harm can still be inappropriate.

Broader Societal Concerns

Another Facebook user acknowledged the rationale behind the MSF guidelines.

However, he expressed concern that such guidelines might interfere with family privacy and dynamics.

He suggested that while protecting children is important, other broader societal issues also need attention, and it would be more helpful if the rationale behind the guidelines were clearly stated to better understand their necessity.

Emphasising Education Over Guidelines for Effective Parenting

A comment argued that the issue with the guidelines was not the necessity of MSF issuing them, but rather the disturbing reality of abuse cases involving adopted or biological fathers and brothers who have harmed their young daughters or sisters.

Meanwhile, some argued that the real issue lay in properly educating the child, rather than focusing on the guidelines themselves.

The user believed that guidelines were ineffective if children were not taught the right values and boundaries from an early age.