By The Kentang
Analysts say that the PAP’s embrace of Hip-Hop, in order to nudge towards a style of government more in tune with the local populace, is not a surprising move, despite being met by disbelief, satire, and outright laughter by Singaporeans. The Kentang interviewed several intellectuals who have managed, so far, to avoid defamation suits.
“When you think about it, it is almost to be expected,” says Professor Contraband Chan, currently a successful wet market pork merchant after resigning from her position as head of NUS’s department of Political Horticulture. “Today’s young Singaporeans like to see their minstrels in action, really getting down into the street and providing entertainment for the general populace.”
Politicians providing entertainment in order to win the hearts if not the minds of the people is nothing new, she asserts. “Dr. Chee Soon Juan has been doing it for years with his acts of civil disobedience, which Singaporeans laugh at, at every general election. The PAP has really just taken a leaf out of his book in their efforts to be their own opposition.”
Prof Chan adds that while civil disobedience, peaceful or not, is taken as a serious method to gain a voice in foreign countries, Singaporeans have been carefully nurtured since young to view such events as futile and amusing. “If the PAP dancers are good enough,” she concludes, “support for the SDP will dwindle as Singaporeans can find the political sideshows to ridicule within the PAP itself.”
Dr. Singalong Singh, a taxi driver with a PhD in Political Cosmology has a different take on the issue. While maintaining that the move was expected, he thinks that the choice of dance will not be helpful in approaching Singaporeans, young or old. “Hip-Hop is a culture that is almost antithetical to Singapore,” says Dr. Singh. As Ruby Pan puts it “Gangstas and Pimps and Hos’ barely exist in our imagination.”
Prof. Tupperware Tan, who lectures Singlish Morphology at top Australian Universities, sums up the general sentiment of all interviewed: that while government officials should be allowed to have fun, they should do so outside their role as an official. “Didn’t somebody say that we can’t choose who governs Singapore based on jokes, fun, games, and the like?” he quiped.
This entry is totally, completely and utterly satirical and should be taken as such.